Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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