bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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