you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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