If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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