a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
