hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ttyl tear gas
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
