I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
