So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
