I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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