We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
