look no pants
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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