Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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