I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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