remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
