so let's talk penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
