he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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