I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
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Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize