The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize