I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
