Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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