I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
