haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
