Already got asked if we're dating
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
