the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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