So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
