yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
