You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so much tequila, so little girl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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