I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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