I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
