Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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