I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
