and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize