I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
