I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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