Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
