She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My feet surprised me
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