frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
