I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
