I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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