my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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