At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize