once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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