Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
