Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
