The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
