So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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