Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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