I just cut my nipple shaving
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
