Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
