We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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