I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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