saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
