hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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