I heard we made out
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
