I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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