I wish I could punch you in the face.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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