i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
