I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
