thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
