Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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