just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
