If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
